


Even The Stars They Burn

by boneslegendaryhands



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:23:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneslegendaryhands/pseuds/boneslegendaryhands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Bones start a friends with benefits relationship at Jim's suggestion.  Jim begins to fall for Bones and finds it hard to keep the relationship as is without saying anything for fear of ruining their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even The Stars They Burn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twofacedjanus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofacedjanus/gifts).



> Based on an anonymous prompt I received: would you write fuckbuddy mckirk, where jim's heart breaks a little bit more every time he's reminded they're just fuckbuddies and he finally snaps and bones walks in on him crying? so bones does everything he possibly can to comfort his best friend and jim finally tells him he's in over his head because he wants so much more from bones? pleeeease do requited,
> 
> Special thanks to [doctorenterprise](http://doctorenterprise.tumblr.com) for betaing this and making it better. You're the best, Sydney.
> 
> Title from Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up."

The first time it happened they were drunk.  They had been out at their favorite bar after a long week of classes and stumbled back to Bones’ dorm.  Jim was a tactile person to begin with, but when he was drunk he was downright handsy.  The entire way home, Bones had to keep removing his hands from his ass, his chest and twice from his crotch.  He was drunk enough and it had been long enough that even the brief touches were causing him a problem.  He definitely found Jim attractive - who didn’t - but they were friends, and there was a line you didn’t cross with friends, no matter how good looking they were. 

Bones managed to get Jim seated on the couch and staggered his way into the kitchenette to get them both a glass of water.  He returned to the sofa with two glasses, handing Jim his before plopping down next to him.  Jim gulped down his glass and set it on the small table beside the couch before resting his head on Bones’ shoulder.  He turned his body and snuggled in a little closer, draping his leg over Bones’ thigh and nuzzling his neck.

“Jim, what in Sam Hill are you doing?” Bones inquired, turning his head to look at Jim.

Jim slid his hand over Bones’ stomach, curling around the other side to pull himself closer.  He looked up at Bones, blinking a few times in quick succession.  “You’re really hot, you know that?”

Bones laughed and patted Jim on the head.  “You’re drunk.”

“Well, yeah, but you are.  I’ve seen how people look at you.  You’re hot, Bones.”

“And you’re a pretty princess,” he responded before taking another drink.

“I want to blow you.”

Bones nearly choked on his water.  “Wuh-wuh-what?”

Jim slid his hand down Bones’ thigh with a drunken smirk before cupping his half hard dick.  He peppered kisses on his neck as he slowly stroked his erection through the rough denim.  Bones cursed under his breath. “I want.  To blow you.  C’mon Bones, you need it.  I want it.  I’m really good.”

Bones picked up Jim’s hand and deposited it back on his own hip.  “What?  No.  We can’t.”

Jim moved his hand back and continued his ministrations, deliberately disobeying Bones’ refusal.  “Why not Bonesy?  I’m hot, you’re hot.  I’m horny, and well, so are you,” he smiled against his neck, pressing a palm firmly into Bones’ erection to prove his point.  His hand found the button of Bones’ jeans and quickly undid it, as well as the zipper and he shoved his hand into Bones’ boxers, grasping his erection as Bones sat stalk still with shock.  A few strokes and Bones threw his head back and moaned.  “C’mon, let me.”

This was wrong and Bones knew it.  But Jim’s hand felt so good, his mouth could only feel better.  They could blame it on the alcohol in the morning.

“Dammit Jim,” he growled before lifting his hips and shoving his pants and boxers down just low enough to free his fully erect cock.

Delighted by this turn of events, Jim scooted off the couch and onto his knees in front of Bones.  With a heated look up at Bones through hooded eyes, he licked his lips before focusing on the dick he was still stroking.

“Damn Bones, that’s impressive,” Jim wiggled his eyebrows and licked his lips again.

“Just shut up and do it before I change my mind.”

“Ooh, I love it when you get bossy.  It’s hot,” he retorted before licking the underside of the shaft.  Bones threw his head back and groaned in equal parts at the sight of Jim’s face between his legs and the feel of a hot tongue on his cock after so long.  Jim smirked and swallowed him down.  Bones’ hips shot up off the couch, choking Jim, who came off his cock with a gag. 

“Easy,” he said, pushing the hips back down.  He placed his arm strategically across Bones’ abdomen, pinning him to the couch before continuing.

The kid had a talented mouth, that was for damn sure.  The right amount of tongue; the light scrapes of teeth on sensitive skin; the perfect combination of sucking and licking – it all had Bones at the edge quickly.  Unsure of what to do with his hands, he grabbed Jim’s head, threading his fingers through Jim’s short hair.  Jim moaned with newfound arousal and used his free hand to fondle Bones’ balls, rolling them between the fingers of his right hand.  The combination of the new sensations was enough to send Bones over the edge.

“Fuck, Jim, I’m gonna,” was all he managed to shout before his orgasm choked him silent and he came spurting down Jim’s throat.  Jim swallowed down what he could before popping off with a gasp and stroking Bones through the aftershocks of the orgasm with a loose fist.  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and placed a gentle kiss to Bones’ softening cock.

“Told you you’d like it,” he stated far too smugly for Bones’ liking. 

Unable to open his eyes, Bones blindly patted the top of Jim’s head.  “Uh huh.  Was great.”

“Lift up your hips for me.” 

“Huh?”

He felt Jim’s hands on the waist of his jeans.  “Your ass, lift it up for a minute,” he told him, tugging on the pants.

“Oh,” Bones replied and lifted up.  Jim pulled the jeans and boxers back up, tucking Bones’ cock gently inside.  He left them unbuttoned and unzipped.

Jim crawled back up on the couch and snuggled back up against him.  “You’re welcome.”

“Mmm hmmm.  Thanks.”

 

The next morning, Bones woke up alone on the couch to find Jim was gone.  He sighed and figured at least they wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward morning after crap right away. 

Later, as it turned out, they didn’t need to deal with the awkwardness at all.  When Bones ran into Jim at lunch, he acted as though nothing had happened, bright smile firmly in place and no indication he remembered sucking his best friend’s cock on his couch last night. 

_Maybe he doesn’t remember.  Fine by me._

 

The second time it happened was the following weekend.  They once again found themselves at their favorite bar drinking way more than was really necessary.  The bar was packed and Bones found himself up against the wall near the pool tables, with Jim standing in front of him.  They had the table after the next game and were killing time watching the current game with interest. 

A waitress walked by with a tray full of drinks and Jim moved back to let her pass easily.  As he did so, his ass bumped up against Bones’ groin as the waitress took her sweet time getting through.  The memories of last weekend came rushing back and he sucked in a breath.  Jim clearly noticed it because he made no effort to move once the waitress had cleared the area, instead choosing to slowly grind his ass into Bones’ crotch, never taking his eyes off the table.  He teased, grinding for a few seconds and then stopping, before starting the whole process again, each time with just a little more force to it. 

Bones sucked in another breath.

“What’s the matter, Bones?” Jim asked, turning to wink at him.

Bones leaned forward so his mouth was close to Jim’s ear.  “What the hell are you doing?  Everyone can see!”

“Relax.  This place is so packed, and everyone is watching something else.  No one has any idea,” he told him, rubbing his ass back even harder.  Bones knew Jim could feel his cock getting harder with each brush of denim between their hips.  Jim took a sip of his beer, sliding his lips over the lip of the bottle, swirling his tongue around the neck, before pulling it out.  “You want me to stop?”

Bones placed his free hand on Jim’s hip, holding him there but still allowing for movement.  He looked around the room they were in and had to admit Jim was right.  No one was watching them – they were either engrossed in their own conversation or watching the game in progress.  He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, savoring in the sensations Jim’s ass was causing.  His head shot forward when he felt a hand cup his erection.

“What the fuck Jim?”

Jim’s hand continued to rub him through the denim.  “Oh god, this is so turning you on.”

Bones turned his head to the side, unwilling to meet Jim’s gaze, and took a swig from his beer.

“It is!  Fuck, I _knew_ you had a kinky side to you.”

“Shut up, Jim.”

Jim grabbed the hand Bones had placed on his hip, moving it down to his own groin.  Bones could feel the bulge straining in Jim’s pants.  “Me too, Bones.” 

Jim’s ass picked up where his hand had left off, grinding against Bones.  He laced his fingers through Bones’ hand covering his erection, moving it in slow circles.  Bones groaned as he gently squeezed the firm bulge in his palm.  Jim leaned back and whispered in his ear.

“ _Follow me.”_

Jim removed their hands and pulled Bones down the back hallway, looking behind them to see if anyone was coming.  He opened the last door on the right and pulled Bones hastily inside.

“What the hell are you doing, Jim?”

A light came on and Bones realized they were in a small stock room.  Jim reached for Bones’ belt immediately and unbuckled it, and unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Here?”

“Yes, here.  Quick, dirty and rough.”

“Are you insane?”

“Possibly.  Hurry up, before someone comes in.”  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom and a small tube of lube, handing them to Bones.  He shoved his pants down to his ankles and took his newly freed erect cock in hand, slowly stroking it. 

Bones couldn’t help but stare.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off Jim touching himself unashamedly.

“Are you gonna just stand there or are you going to fuck me?”

Bones looked at the lube and condom in his hand. 

“This is such a bad idea.  We’re gonna get caught.”  He had a brief, hysterical thought that it was so typical he was going to fuck Jim for the first time in the supply closet at the campus bar.  A lot of their first times seemed to involve alcohol and a degree of criminality.

Jim moaned as he continued fisting his dick, apparently unworried about the potential ramifications. 

“Maybe, but that’s part of the thrill of it.  C’mon Bones, I’ll jerk off in front of you if that’s what you want, but I’d much rather have your dick in my ass when I come.”

Bones knew he should say no, but it was too tempting.  “Turn around and bend over.  Grab onto that shelf.”

Jim smirked and followed orders for once in his life.  Bones grabbed his pants and shoved them down and put the condom between his teeth.  He tore open the lube and poured a dollop onto his fingers, slicking them up with anticipation.  He placed the other hand on Jim’s back and slid the lubed fingers between his cheeks, circling the tight muscle with a gasp of arousal.  He slowly pressed one finger in to the knuckle before pulling it back out.  In it went again, and back out, repeating this several times before sliding in a second finger.  Jim shuffled his feet and huffed.

“Hurry up, we haven’t got all night.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you, Jim.”

“I know what I can handle.  Hurry up.”

Bones thrust his fingers into the tight ring of Jim’s ass a few more times, scissoring them and quickly added a third.

“Now, Bones.  I need you in me now.”

Bones removed his fingers, tearing open the condom wrapper and quickly rolling it on, giving his cock a few strokes to make sure it didn’t slip.  He poured the rest of the lube onto his already greasy fingers and slicked up his cock.  Lining himself up at Jim’s entrance, he slowly pushed past the muscle, not stopping until he was fully seated.

“Fuck, Jim.  So tight.”

“Oh god.  Gimme a second.”

It took every ounce of will power to not slam his hips against Jim’s ass, but after a few seconds Jim gave him the go ahead in the form of a palm reaching back to smack at his thigh desperately.  He pulled back about halfway before thrusting back in, relishing in the tight heat.  He knew he wasn’t going to last long.

“Jesus, you feel so good,” he groaned as he thrust into Jim.

“Shut up and fuck me.  Harder.  Faster.  C’mon.”

Bones growled and tightened his grip on Jim’s hips, speeding up his own.  The bottles on the shelf Jim was holding onto rattled, covering up the noise of Bones’ balls slapping against Jim’s ass as he fucked his best friend.

“Yes, that’s it Bones, give it to me.”

“Stop. Talking.  Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer.”

Jim took one hand off the shelf and grabbed his cock, stroking it in time with Bones’ thrust.  “Fuck, do it.  I’m close.  Come for me.”

Bones thrust harder and faster, feeling his release building.  He thrust one last time and a loud groan escaped his lips as his orgasm over took him.  He held tight onto Jim’s hips as he shuttered through his orgasm and a few moments later, he heard Jim’s moan as he stiffened and spilled onto his hands and the floor.  They both remained still for a moment, only the sound of their panting in the room. 

After a few moments to recover himself, Bones pulled out and rolled off the condom, tying it off and tossing it in the trash can against the wall so he could pull his pants back up.  Jim stood up and grabbed a towel off the pile on one of the shelves, wiping his hand and dick before tossing it to Bones to do the same.  Jim refastened his pants and grabbed his beer, taking a swig.

“See?  Didn’t get caught.”

“You’re fucking _insane_ , you know that?”

“Maybe, but it was fun, yes?”

Bones looked at him with a glare and took the beer from Jim’s hands, taking a long pull.

“Yes,” he begrudgingly admitted.

“I’m not going to be able to sit down for at least a day,” Jim told him, lightly rubbing his ass.

“I’m - did I hurt you?”

“I’m not complaining.  I needed to be fucked like that.  I wanted it.  It was fantastic.  We should do it again.”

“You think that’s a good idea”

“I think it’s an excellent idea.”

 

The following Wednesday, Jim showed up at his dorm with a pizza and beer.

“What are you doing here?”

“What, I can’t hang out with my best friend?”

Bones quirked an eyebrow before stepping aside and letting him in. 

Jim handed Bones the pizza and swanned into the kitchen, placing all but two of the beers in the fridge.  He grabbed a couple napkins before sitting down on the couch.  Bones followed, setting the pizza down on the table and taking a seat beside Jim.  Jim handed him a beer and a napkin before flipping open the pizza box and taking a whiff.  He opened his beer, tossing the cap on the table and grabbed a slice.  Bones followed suit, taking a huge bite of the piping hot pie.

“Mmm, that’s good.  What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion.  Just wanted some QT with you.  You said at lunch you didn’t have a shift tonight, so I thought I’d come hang out.  That ok?” Jim asked, suddenly unsure of himself.

Bones looked at him and then smiled.  “Of course it’s ok, Jim.”

Jim returned the smile and they turned to talking about their day, their classes and bitching about the instructors as they finished the pizza.  Bones took the empty box and bottles and placed them in the recycler, grabbing two more before returning to his spot on the couch.  He sprawled out on his half of the couch, feet up on the table.  As he took a pull from his bottle, he noticed Jim staring at him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Jim responded.

Bones wiped at his mouth.  “What, do I have sauce on my face?”

Jim chuckled. “No, you’re fine.”

“Then why are you staring at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, like you are!”

“It’s nothing,” Jim told him, picking at the label on his bottle.

“Out with it Jim.  I can tell you got somethin’ on your mind.”

Jim sighed and Bones watched him puff himself up like he was preparing to deliver a speech.  “Well, I’ve been thinking about things.”

“Things?  What kind of _things_?” Bones asked.

Jim took a swig of his beer and sighed.  He didn’t know why this was so hard.

“Spit it out.”

“You’re my best friend, Bones, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do, and you’re mine.  What’s this about?” Bones inquired.

“So, these past two weekends…”

“Oh.  That.  What about it?”

“Well, it was pretty fucking incredible.  And I’d kinda like to keep doing it.  But only if you’re ok with it,” Jim admitted, cheeks uncharacteristically pink.

Bones took a long drink from his beer, looking skeptically at Jim.  “You mean like boyfriends?”

Jim put his hands up in front of him.  “Oh no.  No.  More like…friends with benefits.”

“Friends with benefits?”  What did the kid think he was?  An over-tanned frat boy with a dick that used more blood than his brain?

“Bones, c’mon, I know you’re old and were married, but please tell me you know what friends with benefits means.”

Bones swatted him on the leg, earning himself a chuckle.  “Of course I do.  I just wasn’t expecting it is all.  You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  Look, I sucked your dick because I wanted to.  And I enjoyed it.  I asked you to fuck me because I wanted you to.  And I sure as hell enjoyed that.  And I know you did too.  This is such an excellent idea.”

Bones smirked at the memories.  “You’re right, I did, both times.  What are the terms?”

Jim sat up excitedly, eyes bright and hands pounding on Bones’ knees.  “No real terms.  We fuck who we want to fuck, including each other.  It doesn’t get weird between us.  The minute it does, we stop.”

Bones thought about it for a few moments.   He knew Jim got around, but the thought of putting his mouth where someone else’s had been hours earlier made his stomach turn.  “Also, no fucking someone else and then each other the same night.”

“Agreed.”

“And no kissing.  Too personal.”

“Oh, but kissing is so much fun!”

“I know, but if this is just about sex, no kissing.”

Jim sighed but nodded his head in agreement.  “Ok.  No kissing.”

“Ok then.  Friends with benefits it is.”

“Good.  Now let’s fuck.”

 

It started as just a weekend thing.  They’d go out, they’d drink, Jim would flirt and either go home with someone from the bar or Bones.  Most of the time they ended up back at Bones’ dorm because he lived alone, and they _always_ fucked on the couch.  Or Jim bent over the couch.  When they finished, Bones would toss Jim a blanket before crawling into his own bed. 

Most of the time, Jim stayed, but every once in a while he’d get dressed and slink back to his own room, trying to keep quiet and not disturb anyone in the dead of night.

On the rare occasion Jim’s roommate was gone for the night, they’d take advantage of it and fuck in Jim’s bed.  Within ten minutes, Bones would always be up, dressed and out the door, always with a “Later, Jim.”  As soon as the door closed, Jim would roll over and fall asleep.  Until he couldn’t.

He’s not sure when it started, but it may have been somewhere between fucking in an empty classroom late at night and the fourth time they fucked in his dorm.  He found himself wishing Bones would stay the night, despite their agreement that this wouldn’t affect their friendship. 

_You’re being ridiculous._

They didn’t always fuck when they were together.  Sometimes they’d just order in food and kick back and watch a movie.  Jim found himself relishing those times nearly as much as he did the more intimate times they spent together.  He’d sprawl out on the couch and throw his feet into Bones’ lap and laugh when Bones would push them off.  He’d put them back on, and keep doing so until Bones finally gave up and just left them there.

Other times, they’d sit next to each other the couch, a bowl of popcorn balanced precariously between them, feet propped up on the coffee table.  If they happened to reach in at the same time and their hands would touch, Jim would feel a jolt of something deep into the pit of his stomach.

_You are such a fucking cliché._

One night, after a particularly athletic round of sex on the couch, Bones made his way back to his bed and Jim found himself longing to follow him, to wrap his arms around Bones and hold him close as they slept.  He wanted to wake up next to Bones.

_Get a grip, Kirk.  When have you ever wanted that before?  Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.  Or sir.  That’s the Kirk way._

He stayed on the couch, listening to the gentle snore coming from the next room.  When he did manage to fall asleep, he dreamt of falling asleep in Bones’ arms.  He was out the door before Bones woke up.

The next Friday, they were out at their usual place, each one well on their way to falling down drunk.  Bones was talking to some blonde Jim recognized from the clinic.  Chapin.  Or Chapel.  Bones leaned in to whisper something in her ear, and she tossed her head back and laughed.  Jim felt like he had been punched in the gut. 

_Ok, Kirk.  Time to find someone to go home with._  

He scanned the bar, looking for an available target.  There was the cute redhead he’d noticed eyeing him earlier.  Nah.  He looked across the bar and made eyes with a tall, dark haired male.  The guy smiled and looked down at his drink.  Jim smiled back and stood up to approach him.  He made his way through the throngs of people, and as he rounded the corner of the bar where the guy was sitting, he caught a glimpse of Bones, laughing at something the blonde had said.  The guy had seen Jim approaching and turned his seat out facing him.  Jim looked at him and smiled, then looked over at Bones again, and realized his heart just wasn’t into it.  The only person he wanted to go home with was currently engaged in a conversation with a beautiful woman.  He turned around and walked back over to where Bones was standing, placing his hand on his bicep.

Bones turned, wiping tears from his eyes.  “Jim!  Hey Chris, this is Jim, my friend I was telling you about.  Jim, this is Christine Chapel, we work together at the clinic.”

Jim put on his best game face and stuck his hand out, stomach tight and heart thumping.  He felt his face growing redder by the minute, shame and anger at his own emotions piling up inside him. 

“Nice to meet you,” he told her as she clasped his hand and shook it.

“Chris was just telling me a funny story about a vacation she took with her fiancé, Roger.  It’s the 23rd century and they still haven’t found a cure for Montezuma’s revenge,” Bones told him, breaking into peals of laughter again.

_Fiancé?_   Jim liked the sound of that. 

“Oh no, did Roger drink the water in Mexico?” 

They were standing near a speaker in the bar, and the music was pretty loud that night, so he placed his hand on the small of Bones’ back and leaned in.  He probably could have heard just fine from where he was standing, but the urge to touch Bones had become too much.  He needed to get his hands on Bones’ skin.

“Yes, and then spent the last night of our vacation in the bathroom of our hotel room.  I told him not to, but he didn’t listen,” Chapel told him.

“Oh, man, poor guy,” he managed to spit out in between giggles.

“Poor me!  We had reservations at this really romantic restaurant on the beach, and I ended up eating there by myself, while Roger was permanently camped on the toilet.  I could have killed him,” she joked.

“At least now he knows for next time,” Bones offered and they all chuckled.

“He refuses to go back,” she stated and they all broke out in laughter again.

The small table behind them opened up, and they all grabbed it, pulling their chairs close together so they could hear.  Jim placed his arm around the back of Bones’ chair, leaning forward as Christine launched into another tale about Roger.  A waitress walked by and they ordered another round of drinks, and then another and ended up sitting and talking until it was nearly closing time.  A gentleman approached their table and Christine’s face lit up.

“Roger!” she exclaimed as she stood up and kissed him.

“Hey babe, sorry I’m so late, I just got out.”

“That’s ok.  Roger, this is Leonard McCoy, I work with him at the clinic.”  Roger reached out and shook Bones’ hand.  “And this is Jim Kirk, a friend of Leonard’s.” 

He did the same with Jim.

“Nice to meet you both.  Thanks for keeping my girl company.”

“No problem, we’ve had a great night,” Bones responded with a smile.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to steal her and take her home.  It’s been a long day,” Roger told them.

“Not at all,” Bones dismissed, waving his hand.  “You kids have fun.  Chris, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You got it Len.  Jim, it was nice meeting you.  Make sure he gets home ok.”

“Will do ma’am,” Jim said, giving her a mock salute.

Roger took her by the hand and led her through the still thick crowd.  The both sat back down and Bones looked over at Jim inquisitively.

“What, couldn’t find anyone to go home with tonight?”

_I’m looking at him_. 

“Nah, not tonight.”

“Hmmm, that’s a damn shame,” he said, winking.  “What do you say we get out of here and head back to your place?  Your roommate is gone for the weekend, right?”

_Hell yes!_  

“He is, and that sounds like an excellent idea,” Jim replied, smiling.

They got back to Jim’s room and immediately began stripping, eager and fumbling as they went.  Bones pushed him down on the bed and swallowed down his cock.  He worked Jim over with his hands and his mouth, pulling off moments before Jim came, stroking him through his orgasm with his hand.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Jim cried out, panting.

“Just Bones will do,” he teased, kneeling over Jim, stroking his cock.  Jim tried to sit up, so Bones could lay down.  “You just stay there darlin’.  I want to fuck your mouth.”

A jolt of pleasure so strong it made his spent cock twitch shot through him and Jim moaned, snaking his hands around Bones hips and digging into his cheeks.  He scooted up a little for a better angle and Bones crawled forward, pressing the head against Jim’s lips.  “Open those pretty lips for me, darlin’.”

Jim obeyed and Bones slid himself into Jim’s waiting mouth.  Jim knew how to give head, and he knew exactly what Bones liked.  He kept his tongue flat, allowing Bones to slide the underside of his cock against Jim’s tongue.  He opened up his throat, feeling the head hit the back of it.

“Oh god, Jim, you have a mouth made to suck cock,” Bones moaned, both hands grabbing Jim’s head to hold it still.

Jim hummed and hollowed out his cheeks, tightening his lips as Bones’ dick thrust in and out of his mouth, the pace quickening as Bones’ arousal ratcheted up and he careened toward an orgasm.  He felt Bones’ fingers tighten in his hair and he knew he was close.  He hummed again and when he felt the head hit the back of this throat again, he swallowed.

“Oh fuck, Jim, shit!” Bones cried, coming down his throat.  Jim swallowed and sucked as Bones rode out his orgasm, pulling out of Jim’s mouth, a string of saliva connecting his cock to Jim’s lips, and bracing his hands against the wall behind the bed.  He sat back on his heels before collapsing sideways along the bed, his long legs hanging over the side.

“Goddamn, kid,” he finally said, hand resting on his chest breathing heavy.  Jim just smiled and stretched out next to him. 

“Goddamn yourself.  Those hands are legendary.”

Bones roughly patted Jim on the chest before sitting up and began searching for his clothes.  He found his boxers and pulled them on.  Jim sat up, hands folded between his knees.  “You know, Riley isn’t going to be back until Sunday.  You could stay if you wanted to.”

Bones looked at him with a raised eyebrow before pulling his t-shirt on.

_Smooth, Kirk._

“I mean, only if you wanted to.  Then you wouldn’t have to walk back across campus to your dorm tonight.”

Bones laughed.  “And sleep where?  You got a single, Jim.  We ain’t both gonna fit on that.  Not unless we sleep on top of each other.  And I sure as hell ain’t sleeping in Riley’s bed.  God only knows what diseases are festering in there.”

Even though he knew that would be the answer, Jim was still a little devastated by it.  He laughed and tried to pass it off as a joke.  “Yeah, I know.  It was just an idea.”

_Please stay with me._

Christ he was being ridiculous.  He’d thought that of the two of them, he was least likely to have a problem involving sex with their friendship.  He was good at no strings attached.  Bones was an exception, apparently.  An exception to everything.

“I’d much rather trudge across campus and sleep in my own double _, thank you very much_ ,” Bones told him.

_Instead of here with me._

“No, no.  I get it.  No worries.”

Bones looked at him quizzically.  “You ok?”

“Yeah, just tired.  You go on.  I’ll see you tomorrow.  Lunch?”

Bones gave him one last look before grabbing his jacket.  “Yeah, that sounds good.  Night, Jim.”

“Night Bones,” he told him and watched him walk out the door.

Jim got up and walked to the bathroom.  His body still sticky from sweat and his release.  He hopped in the shower and cleaned himself and crawled back into bed, alone. 

_Well, shit._ Houston, we have a problem _._

 

The next time they went out, Jim didn’t even bother looking around for someone to go home with.  The only person he wanted now was Bones, and the thought of sleeping with anyone else just didn’t feel right to him.  He knew that was stupid, that they weren’t even together like that, but no one else even appealed to him anymore.  Deep down, he knew what was going on, but he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself yet.  He went home with Bones again, and his heart broke a little when Bones went into his room to sleep alone.  Jim didn’t stay that night either.

 

One night after a long stressful day for both, they ended up back at Bones’ place on the couch, Jim riding Bones cock.  Jim’s hands were splayed on Bones’ chest as his hips rose and slammed back down.  Bones was propped up against the arm, hands firmly planted on Jim’s hips, head thrown back and debauched look on his face.  The lights were dim, casting just enough light for Jim to make out the features of Bones face.  He knew the rules, he knew what they had agreed upon, but he couldn’t help himself.  _Just once.  I just need one kiss._   Bones’ eyes were closed, and he knew he’d be able to get the kiss he so desired, and knew that one would be all it took.  His hands gripped Bones’ shoulders and he leaned forward. 

Just as their lips were about to touch, Bones’ eyes flew open and he discreetly turned his head, Jim’s lips landing on his jawline.  He covered up his indiscretion by continuing to kiss down along the neckline, biting down along the collar bone like he knew Bones liked.  Shortly after the arrangement began, they quickly amended the no kissing rule to just no kissing on above the neck – above the neck was too personal, the neck and below was purely sensual.  And very necessary. 

After he had sucked a nice deep red mark along the collar bone, he looked up to see Bones’ eyes closed again.  Sitting up, he rolled his hips on the next thrust, leaning forward to attempt another kiss.  Like last time, Bones opened his eyes at the last minute and once again turned his head, this time in the other direction.  Discouraged and a little heartbroken, Jim’s lips found their way to the other collar bone, giving Bones matching marks on each side.

He felt the grip on his hips tighten, and Bones started thrusting into him.  After months of being together, Jim could recognize when Bones was about to come.  He fisted his own cock, stroking as hard as fast and as he could.  The hands on his hips gripped him tightly and Bones threw his head back and groaned loudly, his cock pulsing inside Jim.  Seconds after watching Bones, Jim closed his eyes and came, replaying the moment of Bones’ orgasm over in his head.  Head resting on Bones’ shoulder, he wanted nothing more than for Bones to throw his arms around him and pull him close.  Instead, he felt hands pushing at his hips.

“Jim.  C’mon Jim, I need to get up.”

Jim sighed heavily before crawling off Bones’ lap, feeling the emptiness when his softened cock slipped out.  Bones stood up and stretched before padding across the room and into the bedroom.  He reappeared after a few moments and tossed a small towel at Jim.

“I’m going to take a shower.  You know where the blanket and pillow is.  Goodnight, Jim,” Bones told him before disappearing again.

Jim wiped his hand, chest and dick with the towel before dressing quickly.  The ache in his heart grew; he couldn’t stay, he needed to get out.  He tossed the towel onto the floor near the bathroom and walked out the door.  He bolted out of the turbolift, nearly plowing into an unsuspecting cadet as he flew out the door of Bones’ building.  He sprinted across the campus, running as hard as he could, not stopping until he reached his own building.  Pausing at the entrance, he doubled over gasping for breath, not sure if the tightness in his chest was from the run or the agony he was feeling.

_I can’t do this anymore._

He knew tonight was the last night he’d be able to just have sex with Bones.  He needed to put an end to this part of their relationship, like they had discussed way at the beginning.  He thought he could handle it, never imagined he’d fall in love.  But here he was, completely in love with his best friend, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.  He knew Bones didn’t feel the same way.  He never once gave any indication their arrangement was anything more than sex to him, always stuck to the rules, never pushed for anything more. 

_I’ve ruined everything._

He punched in the code to the door of his building, and stumbled to the turbolift.  Several people filed in behind him, and it took everything Jim had to hold in the tears that were hiding right behind his eyes.  His floor was first and he shoved past the other occupants, exiting the lift and running down the hall to his door.  The room was dark when he entered and crossed to his small twin bed.  His roommate was not home yet and, grateful for that, Jim threw himself on the bed, curled up and let the tears flow.

The sun rose and Jim hadn’t slept a wink.  He spent the night trying to figure out how to talk to Bones about ending their arrangement without ruining their friendship. 

 _I could tell him I met someone else._ No, he would want to know who, and where we’d met _._

He couldn’t lie to Bones.

_I could tell him it wasn’t fun anymore._

While definitely closer to the truth, it might end up hurting Bones, and that was the last thing he wanted.

_I can’t tell him the truth, it would ruin everything._

He couldn’t lose Bones.  He’d learn to deal with his feelings; he’d eventually get over it.  But he _couldn’t_ lose his best friend.

_I’ll just tell him we need to stop and he’ll just have to be ok with that._

He glanced at the chrono and saw he had thirty minutes to get to his first class.  He hopped in the shower, dressed, grabbed his PADD and headed out the door.  When he got to class, he noticed a message waiting from Bones, sent shortly after he had left last night.

[Message from: Bones: 2:45AM]: _Everything ok?  You were gone by the time I got out of the shower.  I thought you were crashing here._

He didn’t expect Bones to notice so quickly that he’d left.  He figured he would have crawled into bed as soon as he was finished in the shower. 

[Message from: Jim: 7:26AM]: _Yeah, early class.  Easier to just come home.  Movie tonight?  We can order in?_

A few minutes later, the new message indicator popped on the screen.

[Message from: Bones: 7:29AM]: _Make it Thai and you have a deal.  Have shift at clinic, but I’ll be done by 2100._

Jim sighed, knowing they probably wouldn’t get around to that movie.

[Message from: Jim: 7:30AM]: _Ok, but I get to pick the movie.  Meet you at your place._

 

Bones entered his darkened room, sliding his shoes off and leaving them near the door.  As he crossed to the bedroom he heard muffled sobs coming from the bed.

“Lights fifty percent.”

On the bed was a figure dressed in black jeans and white t-shirt, curled in the fetal position, shoulders shaking as sobs escaped his mouth.  His back was to the doorway, but he’d recognize that body anywhere.  After the last several months, it had become more familiar to him than his own was.

“Jim?” he asked quietly, covering the distance to the bed in three long strides.  He sat down and placed his hand on Jim’s quivering shoulder.  “Jim, what’s wrong?”

Jim said nothing as he continued crying.  After a few moments, his breath hitched, and he inhaled deeply through his nose.  His hand wiped across his eyes and his nostrils, but he wouldn’t turn to look at Bones.

“Hey, Bones.”

“What happened?  What’s going on?”  He pulled on Jim’s arm to turn him over, but Jim refused to budge.  He gently caressed Jim’s back, trying to soothe him. “Hey, it’s going to be ok.  Talk to me.  I’m here.”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can, you can talk to me about anything.”

Jim’s breath hitched again and he dug the heel of his hands into his eyes as Bones waited patiently, concern building in his chest.  Jim was a tough kid, always in control of the situation even when he was losing.  Seeing him break down like this was startling, to say the least.  Jim sighed loudly, turning his head into the pillow.  “I can’t do this anymore Bones.”

“Can’t do what?” Bones asked, confused.

“This.  Us.  This _fuck buddy_ thing,” he admitted, still not looking at Bones.

Bones stopped the movement of his hand on Jim’s back, trying again to get Jim to turn over and look at him.  “Jim, come on.  Look at me.”

“I can’t,” he told him, a small sob escaping once again.

“Hey, I need you to tell me what’s going on.  Please, talk to me.”

“We said when we started this, if one of us wanted to stop, we would.”

Bones paused, knowing Jim was right.  “We did.  And we can stop.  But can you at least tell me what happened?  I’m still your best friend and something is bothering you.  Can you talk to me about it?”

“I don’t know if I can.  Not without making things worse.”

Bones closed his eyes and dropped his head.  He had no idea what Jim had done or what had happened, but he knew Jim needed to get this out.  “I promise you, whatever you have to tell me won’t make anything worse.”

Jim shook his head, covering his face in his hands.  “It will.  It will ruin everything.  I can’t lose you, Bones.”

At this moment, Bones was glad Jim was facing the other direction so he wouldn’t see the look of concern cross his face.  What had Jim done that was so terrible he was afraid he’d lose him?  “Jim, darlin’, whatever it is, you can tell me.  I promise you won’t lose me.  Just…talk to me.”

Jim took a deep breath.  “I can’t do this anymore because it hurts too much.”

“What do you mean it hurts too much?”

“It hurts too much because I want _more_ , ok?  It’s gotten too hard to just fuck.  I want to kiss you.  I want to stay the night, or have you stay the night.  I want to hold you, to be held.  I want it to just be me and no one else.”

Bones inhaled sharply.  “Jim.”

Jim rolled over and looked him in the eye.  “I’ve fallen in love with you, Leonard.  And I thought I could handle it.  That I’d take whatever I could get from you, but I can’t anymore.  I want it all.  Every time you left, or I would leave, it hurt so bad.  It’s gotten too hard to just have sex with you.  I need to be able to kiss you.”

“That’s why you kept trying, even though we made the rule?” Bones recalled.

“Yes, and every time you turned your head away was like another rejection, and it’s just too much now,” he admitted, turning away.

“Oh Jim,” Bones said, squeezing his arm.

“I’m sorry, I’ve ruined everything.  I didn’t mean for this to happen.  I thought this was a good idea.  I thought we could be best friends with a little extra bonus.  But you’re, well, you’re _you_.  And I think I was in love with you even before we started this, I just didn’t really know it.  I’d never really had a best friend before, so I thought that’s what it was.  Looking back now, it wasn’t.”

Bones sat there in stunned silence, trying to figure out the best way to react.  This was the last thing he had expected to hear from Jim’s mouth.  Looking back on the past few months, it all made sense now - Jim’s weird behavior, the trying to kiss him, the looks, the touches.  He should have seen the signs.  He gently placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder and tried to turn him back over.

“Jim.  Hey Jim.  C’mon, look at me.”

“I’m sorry, Bones.”

“You don’t have to apologize, darlin’.  Not for how you feel.”  He pulled again on his shoulder.  “C’mon, look at me.”

Jim reluctantly rolled over and looked at Bones, eyes rimmed red and face splotched red and white from the exertion his sobbing had taken.  It made Bones' heart constrict to see Jim so worked up over something that could have been so easily avoided with a conversation and healthy communication.

“Can we just go back to the way it used to be?  Please?” he pleaded.

Bones shook his head.  “I don’t think so, darlin’.”

Jim looked mortified.  “Oh god, I’ve ruined it.”

“I don’t think so, darlin’,” Bones repeated, placing his hand on Jim’s cheek.  “I don’t think so, because, well…” He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Jim’s.  He pulled back slightly, his thumb lightly caressing Jim’s cheek.

“Bones?”

“I want more too, kid.  I want it all,” he told him.

“You do?”

Instead of answering, he leaned forward and kissed Jim again.  Light, feathery kisses to his lips before pressing harder.  He flicked his tongue along the seam and Jim opened his mouth.  Bones slid his tongue in, lightly caressing Jim’s.  Jim moaned and snaked his arms around Bones’ neck, pulling him closer.  The kiss grew more intense as their tongues tangled together, each pouring all the pent up feelings into it.  Finally, the need for air became too much and they broke apart, panting heavily.  Jim’s hands slid around Bones’ neck and cupped the sides of his face.

“How long?” he asked.

Bones smiled and shrugged.  “A while.  I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Jim laughed.  “You probably would have done a something way less dramatic than crying your eyes out on my bed.”

Bones chuckled.  “Probably.  But aren’t you always saying ‘Go big or go home?’”

“I’ll admit, curling up on your bed sobbing was not one of my finer moments.  I know we had planned to hang out tonight and I almost didn’t come, but I wanted to see you.  I needed to see you.  When I got here, I got kind of… _well_.”

Bones gently kissed him before touching their foreheads together.  “Don’t sweat it, kid.  Message received.  Now scoot over a little.”

Jim moved over on the bed and Bones laid down next to him.  Jim turned onto his side, and they wrapped their arms around each other.  Jim slid his leg in between Bones’ as both their heads rested on the same pillow, inches apart.

“Hi,” Jim said with a smile on his face.

“Hi yourself.”

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Jim stated.

“I know, darlin’.  Me too.”

“We’re both a bunch of idiots, you know that?”

“Yep.  Wasted all that time pining when we could have been doing this instead,” Bones admitted, shaking his head at their own stupidity.

“So, going forward, no holding anything back?  We talk about everything?”

“Life is too short to not be happy.  No more wasting time,” Bones agreed.

“Speaking of wasting time,” Jim started and then finished with a kiss.  “There’s something else I’ve wanted for a long time.”

“Oh yeah?  What’s that?” Bones teased.

Jim pressed his lips to Bones’, his tongue entering Bones’ mouth.  Jim pulled himself closer, until every part of their bodies were touching.  The sensation of Jim’s body pressed fully along his – lips, chest, stomach, hips, and then legs intertwined – felt like heaven.  Jim’s hands slid down Bones back, cupping his ass, pulling his hips forward, tugging Bones’ half-hard cock into his hips.  Bones relished in the feeling of Jim’s cock brushing through his denim, soaking in his best friend’s warmth. 

Jim’s hands gripped the bottom of the sweatshirt Bones was wearing and began pulling it up.  Bones lifted his arms obediently and they broke the kiss momentarily to remove the clothing, Jim tossing it onto the floor behind them.  Their lips were together again before the garment hit the floor, Jim’s hands stroking the bare skin before reaching behind himself, grabbing the neck of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head.  It was no more over his head before Bones had his lips locked in another passionate kiss.  Both men groaned, savoring the feeling of skin on skin.

“Jesus, I can’t believe I waited this long to kiss you.  Those lips are sinful.”

Bones smirked, pushing Jim onto his back and crawling on top of him.  “Well, we could just do this all night, darlin’.”  He kissed along Jim’s jaw, down his neck and onto his chest before capturing a nipple between his teeth.  Biting down lightly, he rolled it between his teeth and Jim arched his back off the bed.

“Fuck,” he cried out as Bones licked the hardened nub, delighting in this new and vocal side of Jim, before repeating the act on the other nipple.

Looking up, Bones noticed Jim’s head was thrown back, mouth wide open, back slightly arched off the bed.  He continued the path down Jim’s torso, kissing and licking as he went.  Reaching Jim’s navel, he flicked his tongue in, teasing, before making his way to the waistband of Jim’s jeans. 

He quickly undid the belt and button, pulling the zipper down.  Hands around the top, he pulled both the jeans and briefs Jim was wearing down and off, leaving Jim completely naked.  He spread Jim’s legs, and crawled back up between them, placing tender kisses along Jim’s calf, his knee and his inner thigh.  He nuzzled his nose in the crease between Jim’s groin and hip, inhaling Jim’s scent.  He did the same on the other side, brushing his nose along Jim’s balls.

“Bones, please,” Jim pleaded, his hands gripping the bedspread.  “Need you.”

Bones kissed the tip of Jim’s cock before sliding up his body and capturing his lips.  “Need you too, darlin’.  Need to be inside you.” 

Jim’s hands fumbled with his pants, desperate to get Bones out of them.  Bones stood up and divested himself of his remaining clothing, pausing to look at Jim lying naked on the bed, his body flushed and covered in a light sheen of sweat.  He laid himself back on top of Jim, resuming the kiss he had broken to strip.

“You’re so beautiful, Jim,” he told Jim, running his thumb over his cheek.  “I knew it from the moment we met, but right now, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful.”

“Bones.” A choked sob escaped from Jim’s mouth.  “Please.”

“I gotcha darlin’,” Bones soothed and reached for the drawer in the nightstand, finding the bottle of lube.  “I gotcha.” 

He kissed Jim one more time before sliding off to the side.  Now lying on his side, pressed against Jim, he placed Jim’s leg over his hip.  Bones squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his fingers.  Rubbing them together to warm up the lube, he reached over the leg, lightly tracing the tip of his finger around the puckered muscle before pressing in. 

“Fuck,” Jim hissed, mouth hanging open as he panted with arousal.  Bones leaned over pressing his mouth to Jim’s while curling his finger inside Jim to watch him squirm.  After several strokes, he added a second finger, his tongue mimicking his fingers in Jim’s mouth.  They kissed, slowly, their tongues entwined and sliding against each other.  His fingers thrust in and out, scissoring to stretch Jim open.  On the next pass, he hooked his fingers, finding Jim’s prostate and Jim arched his back and clenched around his fingers, moaning.

“C’mon, I’m ready.  I need you,” he gasped.

“Almost,”  Bones replied, adding a third finger.  He slid them in and out, stretching Jim even more.  He grazed the prostate again and Jim writhed beneath him.  “Love seein’ you like this, darlin’.”

“Bones, please.  I-I-I can’t take it anymore.  Want you inside me.”

Bones removed his fingers and crawled back in between Jim’s legs.  He grabbed a pillow and placed it under Jim’s hips before pouring another dollop of lube onto his hand and slicking himself up.  He lined himself up at Jim’s entrance with his hand before slowly pushing in.  Even though he had prepared Jim well, he was still tight, and he had to pause once the head had pushed through the taut muscle.

“Fuck, _Jim,_ ” he gasped, barely holding himself together.

“Bones, move - I need you to move.”

He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Jim’s shoulders, bracing himself, and slid his tongue back into Jim’s mouth as he pushed the rest of the way in.  Fully seated, he took a moment so Jim could adjust to the feeling of fullness.

“ _Move_ ,” Jim mumbled against his lips, bringing his legs around Bones’ waist to urge him on.

Bones pulled back slightly before thrusting back in, settling into a rhythm quickly.  They moaned against each other’s mouths, and with each thrust, he pulled out further before slamming back in.

“Oh fuck Jim, you feel so good.”

“Bones Bones Bones _Bones_ ,” Jim groaned, before Bones’ mouth silenced him.

They moved together in unison, Jim’s hands on his ass, pulling Bones into him, and his hips meeting him as he pushed back in.  Jim lifted his hips slightly, changing the angle, and Bones knew he had hit Jim’s prostate when Jim bit down on his lower lip and clenched around him.

“Oh god, Jim.  I’m not going to last much longer.  Fuck.”

“S’ok, I’m close.  Just don’t stop.”

He felt Jim’s right hand slide from behind him and he could feel Jim stroking himself between their bodies.  He sped his hips slightly, thrusting harder, resting his entire body weight on his forearms.  He placed his hands around Jim’s face, thumbs moving lightly across his cheeks.

“Jim, open your eyes, look at me.”

After a few seconds, the lids flew open and Jim locked his eyes with him.  They were both close.

“I love you, Jim,” he whispered.

“Bonesssss…” Jim cried out as he came, painting both their abdomens as he shouted.  He tightened his legs around Bones’ waist, and after a few more thrusts, Bones spilled inside of him, crying out his name. 

Bones felt Jim clench around him as he rode out his orgasm, the additional stimulation making his cock twitch and his hips stutter.  He collapsed on top of Jim, both of them breathing heavy.  Jim wiped his hand on the side of the bed before wrapping his arms around Bones, placing soft kisses to the top of his head.  Knowing how heavy he must feel, he gently pulled his softening cock out and rolled on his side, pulling Jim with him.  They entwined their bodies, lazily kissing as they rode the euphoria of their release.

“That,” Jim stated, “that is what I’ve wanted for a long time.”

“What’s that, darlin’,” Bones asked, drowsily.

“To kiss you while we made love,” Jim told him.

“Made love?” Bones teased.

“Well, that certainly wasn’t fucking.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Did you mean it?  What you said?” Jim asked him.

“Yeah, Jim.  I meant it.  I love you.”

Jim sighed contentedly, snuggling his head into Bones’ neck.  “I love you too.  So, what now?”

“What now?  We see where this takes us.  You and me against the universe, right?  That’s how it’s always been.  It’s how it always will be.  You and me.  Together.”

“Together.  I like the sound of that.”

“Me too, kid.  _Me too_.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
